Last Days of Loneliness, a YA horror story pt. 3

This is yet another post about the YA horror novel I’ve been working on, which I roughly outlined here.  Last time I gave you the very beginning of the story (which I’ve already altered again); this time I’m going to give you the very end of the story.  This ending will undergo further changes: I already know that I need to decide whether it makes sense to have italicized thoughts-of-the-moment within the narrative, and if I like them, decide how to alter other story sections to incorporate them holistically rather than as a last minute deal.

Here’s the action climax:

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Last Days of Loneliness, a YA horror story pt. 2

Like I promised, I’ve got some actual text for you today.  I’m a bit late because I’ve just finished pounding through Marcus Sakey’s Brilliance, which I rather liked, but hopefully this material will make up for it.

Keep in mind that this is all still rough.  I’m not even sure that the narrator’s voice is appropriate, so whatever ends up being final may look wildly different.  With that said… I do hope you enjoy it.  Also, please do comment if you think something works particularly well, or really needs to be changed.  The beginning of the story lies after the break…

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Last Days of Loneliness, a YA horror story

A number of years ago, one of my writer friends mentioned a story concept that she wanted to share with me.  She wondered what would come of a Lovecraft-inspired horror story in which the protagonist was a high school girl who had just recently moved to a new town.  I immediately latched onto the idea.  We spent a few hours bouncing ideas back and forth, and at the end of our brainstorm session I asked whether she would like to collaborate with me on the project.  She said yes.

I started writing material for the story, occasionally ignoring school work that I really should have been doing at the time.  I soon had a great deal of (questionably valuable) material to share with her, but she’d fallen into a work-hole and been unable to claw her way out.  She ceded the project to me, though we continued to share our thoughts on it.

Fast forward a few years: after finishing my thesis, graduating, and getting back into the swing of writing for a while, I dust off my old drafts of this nascent YA horror novel and get some other people to take a look.  The drafts are, to put it figuratively, mostly made of poo.  I’m now aware of the fact that I have little idea of how to write a teenaged female narrator, which makes looking at my past struggles all the more painful.  But there are some pieces that seem like they still hold some value.  The concept and the basic story beats still seem basically solid, and the story clearly has an excellent ramp up to the climax.  Now the time has come to strip the piece down to its bare bones and tinker with it for a while.  Oh, and write a variety of new attempts at a teenaged female narrator, while reading as many pieces with teenaged female narrators as I can (preferably from the right genres).

In case you’re wondering where this is going, yes, I’ve got some material to share with you today.

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Teasers for Adventurer’s Rest

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Sorry about last Wednesday, here’s a present to make up for it.

My apologies for missing my usual post last Wednesday.  I was busy collaborating with several friends to write and produce a LARP game for Staff Week at The Wayfinder Experience (where I’ll be running another game for a considerably younger audience in a few weeks), and as such was pretty much entirely incommunicado.  I still have yet to say happy birthday to my mother and step-father.  I’ll try to get to that as soon as I finish this.

Since Wayfinder (WFE) is all still very much on my mind, I thought I’d offer you a collection of the teasers that I and my friend Thom have made for our upcoming game (Adventurer’s Rest, at WFE’s Intro Camp, July 20th-25th), and some of our thinking behind them.  If you know anyone who might be interested, you should totally tell them about it.  I want lots of players for my game!  Actual entertainment follows after the break…

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“Dawn Breaks” Background Setting Construction

I mentioned a while back that I was having trouble with the setting that I had “developed” for my earlier piece of flash fiction.  I put “developed” in quotes because, let’s face it, I really just made stuff up and went with it at the time.  I didn’t care about making anything make much sense, I just wanted to follow the flavor that I had found in the first few moments of thinking about what I’d do with my catalyst phrase.

But I’ve been thinking further about the setting, and about what would be necessary to make a few basic tenets of the setting possible.  What do I know definitely exists?  It’s a little messy, but here’s a rough list:

  • Brain transplants are possible, shifting from an old body to a new one.
  • There are things called “chop-shops,” and chop-shop gangs, and they are basically analogous to auto chop-shops except that they deal with human tissue instead of car parts.
  • Therefore, there is widespread black market expertise in surgery and tissue transplantation, and presumably lower rates of tissue rejection than there are in our current world.
  • There is a notable criminal underground, and elements of it have penetrated and corrupted law enforcement.
  • Criminal predation on civilians is fairly common, as witnessed by general warnings against travel through specific areas of the setting’s city.
  • The city has dock and warehouse districts, which are strongly influenced (if not controlled by) the criminal underground.

If I want this to all fit together without it simply being bio-fantasy, I need to come up with some good reasons for these various things existing, let alone coexisting.

Starting with the brain transplants, I decided that it would make sense to say that there was some technology that made it easier to regenerate nerve tissue and repair damage.  As best as I understand from Wikipedia, we’re perfectly capable of putting a brain in a new body at present… the real problem is that we can’t hook up the brain to anything in the new body because we can’t regenerate nerve tissue.  So if I dream up a product called Neurogen (let’s ignore the fact that there’s already something by that name, I didn’t know that at the time that I came up with the name), we can pretend that it is essentially something that causes nervous tissue to regrow and form new connections with other nervous tissue in close proximity.  It is a modified function of the body’s normal growth, so this doesn’t solve neurological disorders.  It does, however, make it possible to reconnect severed nerves far faster and more easily than is currently the case.  Let’s just say that, as long as I’m dreaming up a miracle, it will also reduce the amount of time necessary to retrain newly connected nerves and muscles, dropping the necessary recovery time from years to … months or weeks, perhaps.  We’re already transplanting or reattaching limbs, so this seems like a mostly acceptable future jump.

This means that there are far fewer people with paralysis due to trauma, and spinal damage is far less debilitating in the long term than it used to be.  Maybe this enables more adrenaline junkies, but the treatment is probably also relatively expensive, and (based on my understanding of how this works) it won’t stop things like ALS.

On to the chop shops.  There are several things that stand out to me about the concept of human chop-shops: there are problems with disease transmission, there are problems with tissue rejection, there are societal conditions needed to make widespread black market transplants practicable, and there are technological barriers to maintaining healthy tissues beyond a just-in-time supply chain.

Taking those in order, I’m going to ignore the whole disease transmission problem.  I figure some chop shops will be more careful than others, and your chances of getting an infection will vary by where you get your new kidney.

With tissue rejection, I posit that advances in immunosuppression drugs should make this less of a concern.  We’re already fairly good at dealing with this, and (as I understand it) the health of the transplanted organ is generally more of an issue.  That is, more rejection problems and followup complications can be solved by improving tissue health prior to and during transplantation than would be quickly solved with better immunosuppression drugs, especially true given that immunosuppression drugs hurt the body’s chances of fighting off any infection introduced by the new tissue or during the transplantation.  That should be partially addressed by my consideration of the last point.

But what about those societal conditions?  Previous black market transplantation has thrived in areas with legal organ transplants, a sufficiently large body of medical knowledge, basic medical facilities, easy travel, and a relatively large disadvantaged population (prisoners, the unprotected poor, etc.).  My real life examples for this are India in the early 90s, China for an unknown period of time, and the Philippines until 2008.  There are reports of kidnappings in Mexico tied to organ trafficking rings, and regardless of how accurate those reports are I find that idea intriguing, so I’ll add kidnapping victims to that list.  To me, the simultaneous requirements for a large body of medical knowledge, medical facilities, easy travel, and a large vulnerable population suggest a society with a large wealth imbalance.  This goes nicely with the kidnapping idea, since the unprotected poor are more likely to be vulnerable to predation by criminal gangs associated with chop shops, and any roughly middle class kidnapping victim can be given the choice between paying ransom and being used for transplantation, if they aren’t simply given the millionaire’s tour.

Wealth imbalance coupled with weak public institutions lends itself to easy corruption of public institutions, since the average worker will be looking for whatever they can get to pad out their meager paycheck.  This means that there will be wealthy members of society with sections of the public security apparatus on their private payroll, and some of those wealthy members of society will be criminals (when you routinely break the law, owning the public security apparatus is a good business investment).  I think that’s enough on that topic for the moment, though it no doubt deserves further examination.

Which brings us to that last point, and the super cool heart-in-a-box.  We now have hardware that can maintain healthy function of organs post-removal, reducing the time pressure that normally surrounds any transplant operation and potentially giving doctors the opportunity to monitor extracted tissue and treat some pre-existing conditions prior to implantation.  Apparently this is an especially big deal with lung transplants.

I think that answers most of the issues above, if not all of them.  I’ll do more investigation on this topic later.

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Well shit.  My friend just told me about 3D printing of organs.  I’m not sure what this does, though maybe this is a disruptive technology in this story world, one being fought by the traditional organleggers in a luddite-like response to the potential destruction of their source of revenue.  Time to go burn down the organ-printers, and chop up the scientists for their organs.  Or something.

I had previously disregarded the disruptive effects of cloning based on the premise that growing and maintaining most organs until they were sufficiently mature for healthy & functional transplant would be more expensive than grabbing “user-guaranteed” organs from a relatively healthy abductee.  But this 3D printing stuff may require me to start over with some of this in order to incorporate it without breaking the setting.  Or maybe I just need to break the setting after all.

Flash Fiction: Following “When Dawn Broke”

No review for today, just me making more material in the setting I created with When Dawn Broke.  I haven’t done an exhaustive examination of what the bits and bobs I casually conjured up in that first piece would mean for a setting, so I’ve decided for now to continue to fly by the seat of my pants with this one.  Sorry, Stephanie.  Enjoy the short scene after the break.

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TwitchPlaysPokemon Short Story

If you’ve been following it, there’s a pretty intriguing twitch channel which streams a game of Pokemon. The catch? Anything entered in the chat will control the character. This leads to tens of thousands of players of one game, all with their own idea of what to do, and all offering stacking and conflicting commands. I wrote a short story about this game from the perspective of how it would look to people in that world. It was more of a fun exercise than a serious story, but I hope you enjoy it (especially if you’ve had a chance to watch TwitchPlaysPokemon.

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What You Want To Read

I have been moderately derelict in my duties: I’m in the throes of a book.  1636: The Devil’s Opera caught me late yesterday and hasn’t yet let go.  I am also partway through two others (Hide Me Among The Graves, The Quiller Memorandum), but I don’t have a review of any of them ready for you.

I’ve been making progress on the next Jerome short story, with several thousand words down already and a good number more to go.  I’ve been having some trouble with this one, but it’ll come around eventually.

What I want to know, though, is what you next want to read from me.  Specifically, are any of you interested in seeing more material based on that flash fic piece which I wrote?  I’ll include it past the break so that you can refresh your memory, but here are a few questions to get things started:

  • Do you want to see more in this setting?
  • If yes, whom should I follow?  Who and what seem most interesting to you?  How long should I make it?
  • If no, what sort of thing would you like to see instead?  Do you have any ideas that you’d like to see explored?

Please put any responses in the comment section.  Once again, the flash fic piece in question follows the break…

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Bait and Switch

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned.  Back on August 26th I promised you that I’d have a short story posted by today.  As you can see, I don’t have that here for you, but perhaps you’ll forgive me: I did give you the second installment of my Choose-Your-Own-Adventure far sooner than I had thought would happen, and I have actually finished the short story I’d intended to post today.  I just haven’t edited it yet.  My guess is that you’ll see that up here on Wednesday, though it won’t have any of the section that I teased you with last time (that should end up in another short story, which will come out sooner rather than later).

Finally, in hopes of making reparations, I offer you the flash fiction piece that I wrote over the weekend for Alison McKenzie’s contest.  The rules were that the piece had to be between 100 and 750 words long, and had to use the phrase “When dawn broke, he knew it was all over.”

Have fun…

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Choose Your Own Adventure!

Edit: Part 2a has been written, and can be found here.  Part 2b has been written as well, and can be found here.

I made this short choose-your-own-adventure story a while back, and only just realized that I could try to put it together in a functioning format on this site.  I haven’t managed to separate the sections as much as I’d like, so if you want the full experience try to avoid reading more than one segment at a time. The uppermost section is the one to keep your eyes on. Have fun!

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You come to your senses after a long night of studying in the library and find yourself standing on a narrow dirt path running through the woods. You don’t know how you got here, and it doesn’t look like any place that you’ve ever been before. After wandering along for a brief while, you hear hoofbeats behind you. Do you:

a) Hide behind a nearby tree. Paranoia is the best survival trait after all.

b) Stand on the side of the road. Horses move quickly and you don’t want to be in their way.

c) Look for the horsey! You’ve loved horses for as long as you can remember, and you haven’t gotten to see any recently.

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