Fatherhood & masculinity, cont. 7/9/26

I wrote last week about how fatherhood has changed my experience of masculinity. That post focused on what my prior experience had been, and how my own relationship with that experience had changed. To sum up, I’ve got more skin in the game now. I don’t want to retreat from cultural ideas of masculinity, I want to confront and change them. I’m carrying the banner for my son, trying to give him healthier ways to be a boy and a man than I had. I want him to have more room, to not be squashed by our society’s limited ideas about masculinity.

But there’s more to the ways that fatherhood has changed my own experience. Having my baby with me changes how others experience me. He’s like a magical secret handshake that opens the doors of social contact, that makes strangers suddenly say “oh he’s got a baby, he must be alright.” Somehow being with an infant or toddler makes me safe and acceptable in a way that I can never be without one.

I say all this like these ideas leapt fully formed from my brow like Athena’s critique of gender ideology, but that would be a lie. These thoughts took time. Besides, what really drove all of this home for me was walking through public spaces with an empty baby stroller.

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Fatherhood and masculinity, 7/2/26

Becoming a father has changed my experience of my gender.

I think it’s a good change, but it (like most parts of parenthood) also feels like more work.

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Squirrel Moon, 4/16/26

From over a month ago

Today is a day for being behind.

Rotavirus, congested sinuses with modestly colorful snot, yet more interrupted sleep, being on sick-baby duty: not a few of my favorite things, but certainly a list of things I’m experiencing this week. The pictures on my phone are ever-more full of baby, and less and less full of flowers. Perhaps spring will change that balance a little bit. Maybe I’ll have pictures with both baby AND flowers.

There are no extended analyses for you today. Instead, I’ve got a few random thoughts.

First, I’ve crammed in a few episodes of Harley Quinn and I’m loving the show. It’s been a good thing to watch while slightly addled. I admire the ways in which the writers are layering on additional depth as the episodes progress and I’m excited to see where (and how far) they take it.

Second, I can’t help but continue to see the parallels (and diachronic threads) between the genres of classical questing fiction, portal fantasy, middle grade adventure, isekai, and now LitRPG. They’re not all the same thing, but… they kind of are all the same thing. At the very least, they’re playing Mad Libs with each other.

Third, I’m tired. I’m going to call it here and go rest my eyes or something until nap time is over.

A more secure basis, 3/5/26

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government, and feudal lords tossing coins to the poor when they feel like it is no basis for an economy.

If you’ve been listening to economic news…

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Crit group, 2/19/26

I have been away from my regular crit group for about a year. Caring for a new baby will do that. I recently started back up again with a smaller group of people who are more narrowly focused on my preferred genres. I love the difference.

In the previous group, there were long lulls between my submissions. We had enough people that taking turns meant there could be a month or two between any one person’s submissions. That delay made it harder to stay in the ‘excited creation’ phase of making progress on a project. It wasn’t the only thing pushing me that way (mental health and caring for other duties distracted me just fine) but it didn’t help.

Now I’m submitting smaller pieces more regularly. This feels like a positive feedback loop rather than simply treading water. I’m still juggling my writing alongside everything else in my life, but it’s amazing what a difference feeling excited after a critique session makes.

This smaller group’s composition makes a big difference too. While the larger group had plenty of good insight and good questions, there was enough friction between the genres I was writing and the comfort zones of the other writers to derail my enthusiasm. This smaller group is composed solely of genre fiction writers with overlapping genre expertise and familiarity with more recent genre fiction. I’m no longer asked to explain a genre, or to explain a secondary world in great detail at the start of a story. This has made the difference between feeling uncertain about a piece after submitting it to the larger group, and feeling excited to improve the same piece after receiving precise and knowledgeable feedback from the small group.

I miss the social space of the old group. I enjoyed the people, and I did receive some useful responses. But this smaller group is so much better at delivering what I want from a critique group, there’s no way I’d go back.

It’s a good enough group experience, in fact, that I’m tempted to invite another writer whose critique has been transformative for me previously. At the same time, I fear adding more people—every additional writer dilutes our ability to respond to everyone every session. I’ll have to talk this over with my friends and see how they feel.

Little circles, big circles 2/12/26

Little circles, big circles.

I’ve mentioned before that I have family all over. I don’t remember if I’ve been clear about how widespread that family is. I don’t know if I’ve thought through how much that has shaped my worldview.

I grew up with family in the Dominican Republic, the Philippines, the UK (in both England and Scotland), and the Netherlands. Family friends came from Uganda and India and Tibet. These days, I have family…

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With fire and sword, 1/29/26

I love some good utopian storytelling. I like Star Trek, for crying out loud.

But there’s a problem with utopian stories that tell you that utopia is possible as an endpoint, as something that can be reached and, once reached, cannot be lost—like reaching Heaven and being blessed and content forevermore. That utopia is static. It’s locked in place, unchanging. And because this promised ‘utopia as an endpoint’ is so stable, so permanent, so inherently capital ‘g’ Good, you can justify any action to reach it.

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The politics of shortsighted dragons, 1/8/26

We’ve broken international law to violate the sovereignty of Venezuela. Why does this matter? The US just did something that’s good for the US, right?

I thought I’d write about stories or games today, but here we are. How about I tell you a story instead?

For decades we have been a dragon atop a hoard of power and wealth and influence…

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Welcome to 2026

Happy New Year! I hope that your new year’s eve celebrations went well if you had them. Getting the most out of my time away from other commitments hasn’t meant partying for quite a while now, but it’s still funny to think of how freeing it feels to check chores and home projects off my list. Next week I’ll return to Fistful’s regular programming… if we don’t all immediately get sick again.

family time, 12/25/25

I’ve now watched Wake Up Dead Man and very much enjoyed it. Given my love for Knives Out and Glass Onion (and Rian Johnson’s Poker Face) this hardly comes as a surprise. But I’m with family. Rather than regale you with my thoughts on the movie, I’m going to enjoy spending time here. Merry Christmas, if that’s your thing.

Maybe I’ll have something about these movies (singly or as a series) in the new year.