Category Archives: Stories

Obstacles to writing, 12/18/25

Posted on by Henry

I’ve got a persistent computer problem; my computer will, at random intervals, lose focus on the window in which I’m working. If I’m typing, whatever I type stops being recorded. If I’m playing a game, the game stops responding to my input until I’ve clicked inside the game’s window again (yes, this gets weird with fullscreen). This has weird side effects! I’ve had my computer put the display to sleep while I was watching a video, because it lost focus on the video player and then didn’t receive any input for five minutes.

This would be merely annoying, if it weren’t for that typing problem. Having my typing interrupted because my computer lost focus on my word processor is aggravating. It’s awful.

It’s like playing music only to find that your instrument isn’t in your hands anymore. Instead, your instrument is hanging in midair, right there in front of you, but you have to reach forward and grab it again and settle back in to what you were playing. Your music only comes out in fits and starts. It is nearly impossible to relax into a flow.

If, like me, you sometimes enjoy closing your eyes and envisioning a scene and just typing until you figure out where everything is going… tough luck.

I have struggled with this. I’ve hunted through forums for similar experiences. I’ve searched for the culprits they identified, or the methods they used to find their culprits. I’ve tried setting up programming shells and running code that I found online to log whatever program keeps stealing focus. I’ve done everything… except painstakingly tagging all the documents that I want to save, copying them onto an external drive, and then reformatting my machine and starting over.

Why?

It’s a stupid reason, really: it takes time and effort that I’d rather spend writing. Or which I’d rather spend doing anything else. Yet the longer I put this off, the more time I lose and the more frustrated I become. It’s been a problem for an embarrassingly long time at this point.

I’m going to give myself a gift this holiday season. I’ll finally do the prep work necessary for a factory reset on this machine. Then, I’ll set myself up with some hot beverage(s) and a good book, and I’ll let all the necessary file transfers grind along until I can wipe this thing clean and start fresh.

Or, more likely, I’ll start this and then be busy taking care of the baby or doing house work. At least this will be done.

If you can keep it, 12/11/25

Posted on by Henry

I am not-sick again, for however long this lasts. I had nearly forgotten how good it feels to not be ill. This isn’t terribly surprising, but before my past several months of back to back sicknesses I had stopped consciously appreciating how good being well felt.

In very similar ways I had failed to appreciate how good it was…

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Sick baby part dunno of lots, 12/4/25

Posted on by Henry

Once again, I am taking care of a sick baby. This time he’s less sick! By that I mean that he’s less sick than he has been in the very recent past. He was rocking a worryingly high fever until yesterday. It had just been climbing and climbing despite our best efforts. Yesterday we returned to the doctor’s office, got a solid reassessment, and were prescribed antibiotics (which Gibby has been doing his best to spray into my face while I dose him). Now his fever has dropped significantly and he’s merely hungry, sleepy, poopy, sometimes cranky, and full of head-gunk.

I’m not caring for this sick baby alone, thank goodness. Ley and I have been swapping off or stepping in for each other as extra support. I have come to feel, however, that the nuclear family model is designed to break you. A mere two adults caring for a sick baby—with baby-induced terrible sleep and everything else—is a recipe for suffering. It’s a recipe for suffering even when those two adults take time off work. There really ought to be two to four more people on call all the time so that people can sleep, or do anything other than care for the baby. Even one more person would be a big help.

I’ve had these thoughts before.

We might have been able to avoid this fever if we’d found a better way to manage his congestion from his fever two weekends ago. He produced lots of snot while fighting that (milder) fever. That was good, mucus helps! He didn’t manage to eject all that mucus though, and his resulting congestion likely fed his current ear infection—in other words, his body’s healthy reaction to the previous virus created fertile ground for this bacterial infection. Next time he gets snotty and feverish, we’ll need to find more ways to help him drain all the mucus instead of allowing it to linger and get infected.

Giving thanks, 11/27/25

Posted on by Henry

I exist because strangers chose to welcome my ancestors and care for them. That willingness to welcome others, to provide for outsiders and see them through hard times, is something that I feel deeply grateful for. Whenever I hear people speak of Thanksgiving, I am reminded of these things. I am humbled and inspired.

Thinking with appreciation and humility, how have others helped and welcomed you or your ancestors? How can you offer help and welcome to others going forward? A door was opened for you or your ancestors—you were helped through hard times, or given an opportunity, or saved when life looked grim. What can you do to open that door for others to come?

Who may yet become your family?

We are all strangers to one another, until we are not. 

The Harm Machine

Posted on by Henry

We are building a harm machine.

The harm machine is growing, and it is hungry. It needs people. It eats them.

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Untitled, 10/9/25

Posted on by Henry

I feel sick. I know what my country is facing. I know what is happening in my home, my homeland, my America. I see this administration wielding the truncheon of “law and order” eagerly, craving any response that will let the insecure and desperate men at the top (and all the way down) feel like big fucking heroes as they club down their fellow Americans for daring to disagree. I see them chasing those who aren’t white, who aren’t Christian, claiming that they’re chasing those who aren’t “American” while they draw an ever smaller circle around what it means to be American. 

My family comes from all over. Most of them are American citizens. I know that won’t matter when the administration’s circle slips a little tighter again, like a noose around our country’s neck. They’re going to go after my family, sooner rather than later.

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More cat, 09/25/25

Posted on by Henry

I write this as my baby snores beside me. I don’t know how long his nap will last. Every time today that I’ve tried to do something else while he’s napping, he’s woken up within minutes. Sometimes he wakes within seconds. I’m in a curious state of very cute, very attention-consuming limbo.

Since I didn’t prep a post earlier in the week, I’m left with offering you another picture of Alex. I hope you enjoy it. With some luck, perhaps I’ll have something more substantial for you next week.

Videos from Schnee, 9/18/2025

Posted on by Henry

I’m still recovering but I have videos for you from Schnee, a YouTuber whose analysis of stories I really appreciate. The first is an intriguing exploration of feminine rejections and explorations of femininity (GREMLIN MODE), and the second of these videos (How to Write MASCULINE SHAME…) feels deeply connected to my posts on masculinity and gender (Are Boys The Problem? and Making Monsters).

I hope you enjoy engaging with these videos as much as I did.

Making Monsters

Posted on by Henry

You’re a monster. If you’re a good monster, you’ll be able to resist your terrible urges for a long time. We like good monsters! You should be one. But eventually you’ll do something unspeakable and hurt those around you, those you love. Because you’re a monster. We all knew it would happen sooner or later. We were just waiting, dreading the day when you’d reveal how awful you truly are.

But there are other monsters out there who tell you that you aren’t a monster. None of you are. Just like them, you aren’t evil. Maybe you could use a better attitude, some self-improvement. Your new friends have lots of advice about that. But those others who tell you that you’re a monster? Lies. Jealousy. Those lies are sick mind games meant to control you, to trap you, told by liars trying to profit while you suffer.

You don’t have to listen to those lies. You just need to be stronger. You need to be harder, and faster, and better. You need to understand that those people who say you’re a monster, their opinions don’t really matter. They don’t really matter. You can do better without them. If you really want people like that in your life, make sure that you’re the one in control—not them.

After all, you’re the man.

Or maybe you have some other privileged identity, and the people telling you that you aren’t a monster are spinning a slightly different story. That’s not the important part. What really matters is that there are people who tell you that you should feel bad, and others who tell you not to worry about it. Which ones feel better to listen to? Which ones give you hope?

In case you couldn’t guess, this is a follow-up to Are Boys The Problem?

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Less brain more cat, 7/24/25

Posted on by Henry

Here’s an oldie but a goodie. It turns out I do not have the brain (nor the time) to continue last week’s thoughts today. I will come back to that when I’m next able. Until then, I hope you like pictures of Alex the Cat. She’s a very good cat.